The adventures of Zelly 1 and Xelly 2
by Xee Metallium
Summary: This is not a Yaoi fic! But isn't it fun when Zelly and Xelly are forced to work together? Insults fly and an adventure it undertaken. And Lina isn't much help! as for Gourry...
1. Default Chapter

the adventures of Zelly and Xelly 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own either Zelly nor Xelly or any of the slayers crew, if I did... well... they'd be a LOT more! ^-^ 

One sunny day in the Slayers world, Lina Inverse, beautiful and talented sorceress, with a temper that even most mothers would find formidable, ambled along in the sunshine, eating her favourite type of pie. Behind her was the handsome yet dumber than err... just plain dumb Gourry Gabriev who was also munching on Lina's pie.

Justice heroine Amelia Wil Tesla Seyruune skipped along with the group enjoying the general all round niceness and just-ness of the day. Behind then, last but not least, Zelgadiss, the cold-hearted chimera swordsman dragged his feet walking behind them, watching as Lina and Gourry became a moving dustcloud fight for the want of pie.

All in all, it was a fairly normal seeming day.

Ahead of the Slayers gang was a forest, deep and dense and dark. The sunshine pierced the canopy in very few places. Yet in one such rare spot of sunshine in the forest, the other participant of this tale, Xelloss, slung a small haversack down and rooted through it. The object he was looking for seemed to have vanished. Not more than a few seconds later he was distracted. A small green goblin ran into the bushes clutching a small brown paper wrapped parcel. The mazoku had little choice. 

"SQUEE!" He yelled, running after the irritating little goblin, forgetting the haversack. Being an errand boy was hard work.

Meanwhile, the dustcloud with the occasional Lina fist or Gourry head popping out of it moved on into the forest, leaving a perfect trail of deforestation behind. Amelia continued to skip and hum, happy with the lovely day so far. Zelgadiss shook his head and carefully stepping over fallen trees, leaves, bushes, prickles, rabbits and the like. The dustcloud continued on past the haversack, yet Amelia stopped to look at it. It was purple with neon yellow, orange and green stripes. 

"Strangely out of period for our time." Zelgadiss commented, walking on by as Amelia began undoing the bag. Seconds later the green goblin crashed into the tree the sack had been leaning against. 

"I shan't let you take that bag!" Xelloss yelled flying through the bushes and crashing into the previously unseen Amelia. Seconds later, Amelia fell into the depths of the bag, leaving only a pair of green boots sticking out. The mazoku continued his collision course with the goblin... no wait... he moved... the course was now set for the...

BASH! 

..tree.

"Ehehehehe!!" the squeakly annoying goblin dragged the bag away before the purple haired mazoku could join Amelia in the depths of, well, what was in Xelloss' new bag? Why, that would be a secret, wouldn't it? 

The goblin turned and grinned at the Chimera swordsman before bouncing one, twice, three times then disappearing through the ground complete with sack, the princess and the top secret contents of the odd futuristic bag. 

Zelgadiss blinked looking at the area the goblin had disappeared in. Xelloss slid down the tree gracefully landing head first on the ground. The reaction from both men ( the term 'men' is used loosely here) was pretty much the same for the first few seconds.

"..." 

Then a few seconds later...

"Amelia!" Zelgadiss hollered. "Amelia!!!" 

"Squee!" Xelloss yelled, louder than Zelgadiss, yet unruffled and unmoving from his upside-down position. 

"Squee?" Zelgadiss shot a side glance at the upside down mazoku, who incidently was gripping on to a brown paper bag, the same one he'd saved from the goblin.

Xelloss nodded. "Squee!" he yelled again.

Zelgadiss shook his head and took the brown paper bag and peeked in, then looking across at the mazoku. "Do you often run around drunk?" Zelgadiss asked, removing the bottle from the bag.

Xelloss grinned and vanished from by the tree, reappearing the right way up next to Zelgadiss. "Zelly!" he exclaimed, grin firmly in place as he put one arm around Zegadiss' shoulders.

"Get off." The Chimera growled, pushing the cheerful mazoku away. "What's happening? Who is that goblin? You better tell me or I'll tell Lina you promised to buy her breakfast for the next year!"

"Squee." Xelloss said simply, still smiling.

"Can't you say something useful for once?" Zelgadiss pushed the still smiling Xelloss aside.

"Squee happened, and that's the goblin's name." Xelloss said following Zelgadiss for a few steps. "Now I must get my sack back from him." 

"Where is he?!" Zelgadiss asked, spinning round to face Xelloss, who simply shrugged and made the 'I dunno' noise. "He has Amelia." Zelgadiss grumbled, dragging Xelloss by his cape, following the trail of deforestation. 

Strangely enough, and just maybe this was a coincidence, both Zelgadiss and the dragged Xelloss found a restaurant at the end of the trail of deforestation.

Zelgadiss dumped Xelloss in to a seat next to Lina, immediately, Xelloss tried to shelter his immaculate hair from flying food debris.

"This goblin has captured Amelia." Zelgadiss said, only to be ignored. 

"What about my sack?" Xelloss asked Zelgadiss. Once again the only response was flying food. 

"Who cares?"

"Amelia is in there." 

The food spluttering continued to be the sole reaction from the other two. 

"Lina! Amelia has been kidnapped." Zelgadiss exclaimed, smacking a fist against the table.

"Who'll pay the bill?" Xelloss tried. It was of the utmost importance he got that sack back, whether or not Amelia returned with it was not his concern. But, Lina's help would be useful. 

Still no response. 

Gourry took the last sausage, ready to bite in to it, when all of a sudden a red headed blur went to tackle him to the floor. Ready for this, he upped and ran from his chair out of the restaurant, with the sausage wanting Lina in hot pursuit. 

Zelgadiss and Xelloss nodded to eachother curtly and then, whilst the chase was still going on outside, the two scoffed the rest of the meal between them at a speed that would have put the other two eaters to shame. 

"Where'd our food go?!" Gourry exclaimed, returning to the table minus the sausage. Lina looked between Zelly and Xelly a few times, then suspiciously across at the next table.

"There will be no more food until you listen to me." Zelgadiss told the two. "Amelia has been kidnapped, we must save her."

"KIDNAPPED?!" Lina asked. "When did this happen?" 

"While you and Gourry were fighting." The ever helpful mazoku added to the discussion. 

"We were fighting?" Gourry asked.

"Jellyfish!" Another fight ensued. The fight left the building, then the town. 

"Pay the bill Xelloss." Zelgadiss said, leaving to follow yet another trail of destruction.

"Me?" 

The chimera left unresponding leaving the mazoku facing a rather hopeful looking waitress. The bill was enormous, so, Xelloss vanished.

_I'll be back for the sack! _


	2. Whats an OMP? Oo

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Zelly 1 ^^;; elsewise he'd be a bishie human and I don't own Xelly 2... otherwise... well... I just don't own him! .;; 

Well, Zelgadiss followed the trail of deforestation as far as he could. It soon ended and he found himself lost in yet another dark, deep and dense forest. 

"I could really do with a map." he grumbled. Soon enough he was presented with a mop, that fell from the sky and landed on his head. "I said Map, not Mop!" he exclaimed. "M-A-P not O-M-P!" 

Then an O-M-P fell on his head. Don't ask what it is, even Xelloss, provider of the mop and O-M-P couldn't describe an O-M-P. 

Zelgadiss kicked the O-M-P aside and carried on walking. "Very funny Xelloss." he growled. "I know you're there." 

Xelloss appeared behind Zelgadiss to retrieve his O-M-P and follow Zelgadiss bouncily. 

"So, you need a map?" Xelloss asked. "There's an easier way to find..."

"Without your hinderance, everything is easier." The chimera carried on walking. 

"That's not very nice." The mazoku said, vanishing and reappearing a few steps infront of Zelgadiss. "Surely, the way things should be, I should be the unpleasant one."

"You **are** unpleasant." Was Zelgadiss' dry reply as he pushed Xelloss aside with some bushes. Unfazed, Xelloss reappeared in front of Zelgadiss once again.

"Bugger off! This isn't a yaoi fiction!" Once again, Zelly pushed the other Xelly aside. Usually the appearence of the mazoku in itself was enough to irritate him. Now Zelgadiss was getting royally ticked off. 

"Who said anything about _that_?" Xelloss grinned and winked. "You know..." 

"Forget it." Shortly after Zelgadiss' interruption, Xelloss found himself face to face, up close and personal with yet another... tree. Zelgadiss walked onwards hoping Xelloss would get bored of annoying him and go chase fluffy bunnies or something of the sort. A few minutes passed and Zelgadiss began to relax. The mazoku menace had given up and gone home! Well, that was until someone leapt on him from behind.

"Xelloss! Go and find Filia or something!"

"Filly-who?" Xelloss asked smirking.

"Your damn girlfriend." Zelgadiss hauled the mazoku off his shoulders, stepped over him and once again continued onwards. 

"Ohh... No, I don't know who you mean." Moments later Xelloss was once again next to Zelgadiss. "Anyway, I want to get my sack back, and you want Amelia, who incidently is in the sack..." he paused momentarily to make a scroll appear out of thin air. "Here I have my newly aquired M-A-P, not O-M-P nor M-O-P of where it is that it is that we are be needing to be going to." 

"Eh?" Zelgadiss blinked blanky, then snatched the scroll. On closer inspection, it was proved that Xelloss was correct, it was a map, not a mop or an O-M-P. In the middle of the map a large green blob resided with a cheesy looking grin drawn on. Zelgadiss held the map up and did a quick comparsion between that grin and the identical one that seemed permentantly plastered on Xelloss face. "Hmm..." He looked between the map and the mazoku once more. "How can I know this map is reliable?"

"I took it straight from Squee himself." 

"Then why didn't you take your bag at the same time?" Zelgadiss asked, looking at the map once more. 

"I would have. However it seems he wasn't carrying it with him at the time." 

"And what is in this bag of yours?" Zelgadiss eyed Xelloss' regular bag, which was safely in its usual location.

"That is a secret." Xelloss replied, taking his map back from the chimera. 

"Of course... of course." Zelgadiss kicked himself for not having expected that one. "Well... why did he want the bag?"

"That would also be a secret." came the pre-prepared answer.

"Doh... how about this one... Why can't you, a high and mighty mazoku deal with a lowly little goblin by yourself?" 

"That is also a secret!" was Xelloss' indignant reply to which Zelgadiss let himself have a smirk. 

"You can't, thats why." Zelgadiss shruged and went to step away, before changing his mind and stepping back to pat the mazoku on the shoulders. "Don't worry Xelloss, I can keep your secret... _Can_, but probably _won't_."

"Lina-san is over there." Xelloss pointed at a not very distant plume of smoke, neatly changing the subject, although this fact wasn't unnoticed to Zelgadiss and he filed his victory away safely in his mind as Xelloss darted off toward the smoke.

"Hey, wait up!" Zelgadiss ran after him also knowing that often there couldn't be smoke without Lina... didn't that used to be 'smoke without fire'? Well, either was possible. In a clearing in the forest stood Lina holding a map in the air triumphantly with one foot on a pile of charred beyond recognition bodies... possibly corpses now, their fate remained and will remain unknown. 

"What have you done now Lina?" Zelgadiss asked flatly, whilst other Xelly vanished and reappeared hovering above and behind Lina studying the map, which was upside down, so he has to float upside down to read it. 

"Spells for..." Xelloss took the map and blew on it to try and make it more readable, but ashes just flew away leaving a gap. Seconds later a fist met his face and he crash landed head first. 

"Spells for..." Lina shook her head at the burnt off corner. "making you rich?"

"Spells for food?" Gourry asked, appearing upside down and hanging out of a tree.

"Spells for mass destruction?" Xelloss offered popping his head out of the ground. 

"Spells for curing..."

"Zelga-chan's hideous and freakish body!" Xelloss interrupted snapping his fingers. 

Zelgadiss face faulted and turned to yell at the demon, with a demon headed yell of his own.

"Do you mind?! And I am NOT called Zelga-CHAN! Not by you!" he coughed and was suddenly normal again. "Lina, this spell book could really be useful."

"And valuable!" Lina added. "Lets go!" She grabbed the upside down Gourry by his hair and ran off again. Xelloss smirked and follwed Lina, shortly followed by Zelgadiss.

"What about Amelia?!" Zelgadiss called to the rest of the group as they ran on. 

"It may help her!" Lina called back.

"It's on route anyway." Xelloss held the map in Zelgadiss face whilst flying behind him, taking it away at the last moment satisfactorily leading the Chimera into colliding with a tree. "And for once, it wasn't me!" Xelloss watching Zelgadiss pluck his wirey hair out of the tree managed to fly into one himself for the third time or so that day. After sliding to the ground he pulled out a small book and scribbled in it. 

"Do chores, do more, annoy someone, get bag back, annoy some more, do more chores... and destroy all trees."

"Quit goofing off you two!" An impatient redheaded sorceress called back. "We're almost there!" And with that she dissapeared into a temple. 

"I want that book of spells of Mass Destruction!" Xelloss gasped running in, following Gourry. 

"It's my cure!" Zelgadiss yelled running after him. "I won't let you have it!"

The first obsticle the group met was a large chasm in the ground. The temple seemed to prevent Lina or Zelgadiss from using any levitation or flight spells, but Xelloss was still able to teleport over. Zelgadiss looked around and picked up a large pole. He pole-vaulted over an then tossed the pole back to Lina so she could do the same. Lina reached out to grab the pole and nearly fell down the chasm herself! After hanging on the side of the cliff and climbing up to the ground holding the pole in her mouth, she managed to pole vault across the to other side and join Zelly and Xelly. Seconds later, Gourry joined them.

"How did you get over here?" Zelgadiss asked scratching his head.

"He took the bridge." Xelloss pointed out.

"Yeah, that's right!" Gourry beamed.

"Why didn't you tell us!?" Lina roared. "Oh never mind, lets get a move on and find that book of spells to make people rich."

The next problem the group encountered was that the pathway narrowed, on one side was a wall on the otherside was another deep drop. Our intrepid adventurers had to carefully tread along the narrow ledge with their backs to the walls. Lina went first cautiously treading along until she got to the end. Zelgadiss got about halfway before the ledge began to slip away from his feet. He fell and grabbed on to the shelf with his hands, edging along slowly but surely. Xelloss skipped along the shelf accidently on purpose landing his footing on Zelgadiss fingers. The chimera held on but didn't say anything out loud. He was going to save up all these little incidences for a later all at once revenge. Once Zelly was across the hazardous ledge he dusted himself and looked around for Gourry, who incidently was missing. 

"Never mind, we'll pick him up on the way back." Lina said walking through a door. "Spells for making Riches here I come! It's all mi... Gourry?"

"Hi Lina." Gourry waved from the book. "It's not how to make food, but it sure is interesting." 

"Gimme that!" The sorceress snatched the book and began reading. "To make a small coffee table take..."

"Spells for making Furniture." Xelloss read the book cover. "Well, you never know."

"I suggest we take it anyway." Zelgadiss sighed as Lina tossed the book down yet anther chasm. "Oh well..." 

"Lets get out of here." Lina said following Xelloss into a maze. Zelgadiss followed them. 

Gourry took the door at the back of the room labelled 'exit'


	3. Two of a Kind!

**Disclaimer**: ... I'm fresh out of disclaimer jokes today, so just take my word for it, I don't own these characters. But in compensation for the lack of a disclaimer joke I offer this yellow sock. A real must have for Xelloss fangirls. Removed only yesterday for the first time since the war of the monsters fall..... Its 100% authentic... give it a sniff and see what I mean! 

Lina, Zelgadiss and Xelloss were greeted outside the maze after a frustrating two or ten hours of trying to find the way out, by Gourry. 

"How did you get out here?" the red-head sorceress exclaimed in response to Gourry's claim of having 'been waiting hours and hours' Which he had. 

Gourry simply pointed to the door behind him. 

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Why did you take us through that maze then?!" Lina began to throttle Xelloss. 

"I didn't say you had to follow me!" The mazoku yelped in defense, teleporting a moderately safe distance away. "You chose to." 

"He does have a point Lina." Zelgadiss cut in, as much as he hated saying it. "Lets all just head onwards?" 

Xelloss pulled out his map of where they were going, turned it round a few times. When satisfied that it was correct, he pointed East. 

"Thataway!" 

Zelgadiss stood and tapped his foot after taking the map from the mazoku. 

"No, that 'map' is a drawing... I suggest we follow the map on the otherside." 

"Good Idea Zelly!" Said the other Xelly brightly. "West we go!" 

"Correct." Zelgadiss pocketed the map himself and set off in the correct direction, followed by Xelloss, Lina and finally Gourry. It wasn't long though, before Lina and Gourry had diverted themselves toward a nearby town, with a copy of the map, promising to meet up with the other two further ahead. Needless to say, Zelgadiss was a little less than enthralled at who his 'travelling buddy' was. On the other hand, Xelloss was a little more than enthralled at the prospect of tortur... er... travelling with Zelgadiss. 

"Sooooo..." The purple haired genki one began. "Find a cure for your hideous body yet?" 

"No." Came the growled reply

"Still looking? Or Given up that pointless search at last?" This should indeed get a good reaction, worth jumping aside, right about..... 3...2....2 and a half... Now! Mmmhmm... Elmekia Lance for a reaction, not bad.... same he was such a lousy shot though.

"Xelloss?" Zelgadiss sighed as he gave up trying to hurl spells at the other 'Xelly'. 

"Yes?" 

"Come here." There was a slight tint of blush creeping across Zelgadiss' cheeks as he took Xelloss' hand into his own. I can't really put into words to describe Xelly 2's reaction, but it looked a bit like this... 0.o; follwed quickly by a 'oh-ho-ho-I-can-have-fun-with-this-yaoi-thing' smirk.

The smirk was interrupted though. As Zelgadiss slammed a fist into the Mazoku's face. Hey, it might not have much effect, but he felt MUCH better! 

"I wouldn't want to do that with a piece of rock anyway." Xelloss replied bitterly rubbing his nose. 

Another punch. 

"... I'll shut up now." 

"Good." Zelgadiss replied. 

"Glad that makes you happy."

"No you're not." 

"You're right."  


"So I am." 

"Good for you." 

"Shut up like you said you would then." 

"No." 

"YES! Or I'll make Amelia sing to you when we get her back." 

"Well then...." Xelloss patted Zel on the shoulder. "I'm sure you'll understand if I leave her in there." 

"Oh I will.... But I don't think _Lina_ will." 

... that must have made it about 3-2 to Zelgadiss. And so, the two walked onwards, one constantly frowning because the other was constantly grinning, and one constantly grinning because the other was constanly frowning. It was like some kind of unspoken understanding between Zelly and Xelly. 

As night began to fall, Zelgadiss looked across at the starts then at he's annoyingly genki companion. 

"How much further?" He asked. 

"Not much further at all. Infact, we're about to - " 

"Walk into it?" Zelgadiss asked as he peeled himself off the invisible wall. 

"Right!" 

"How do we break into a place that we can't even see?" Zelly may as well have been talking to himself, Xelloss wasn't next to him anymore. He was standing on a treetop,_ apparently_ casting some spell. 

"And as soon....." Xelloss muttered to himself quietly. "... there's a break in the clouds, the base that can only be seen by moonlight will appear." With perfect timing, he pointed at the hidden goblin castle as a shaft of moonlight pierced the clouds and lit it up. "See it okay there Zelly?" 

"I see it fine... AND DON'T CALL ME ZELLY!" 

"Quiet." The Mazoku told him, now next to the chimera. "What would you like to do.... Bust straight in or.... sneek in?" 

"Bust." Zelgadiss opted for. He had a strange idea that the sneeking option probably included lots of stairs. 

"Okay!" Xelloss replied, throwing Zelgadiss through the double doors and running in afterwards.

"Come out and show yourself!" Zelgadiss yelled at the empty room. "That was unnecessary." He additionally hissed at Xelloss. 

"Worked, didn't it?" Xelloss hissed back, looking around cautiously. 

"Come out and show yourself!" Came a voice. 

"Hey I said that!" Zelly yelled back. 

"Yeah, twice." Xelloss commented. 

"Hey I said that!" Came the echo again. 

"Do you think anyone's in?" Xelloss was floating, pulling at a cobweb on the chandelier (and dropping the pieces on Zelly, of course). 

"You made me come to the wrong place didn't you?" 

"No." Xelly scooted away from the chandelier in respect of its next action. 

To fall.

On Zelly.... 

With an enormous crash and shatter. 

Zelgadiss stuck his head out of the chandelier remains, a candle embedded in his hair. 

"WELL IF THAT DIDN'T GET THEIR ATTENTION, NOTHING WILL!" 

*** meanwhile, outside***

Lina turned to Gourry as after looking carefully at the castle walls. 

"So they went in here.... I can't hear any fighting, so they must have snuck in through this secret entrance." Lina said to herself outloud, opening it and going in. 

"I think they took the front door." Gourry said.

"Don't be an idiot Gourry. What kind of person would do that?" 

Gourry shrugged and followed Lina up the stairs. 


End file.
